April - May, 2016
India on a motorcycle. It's almost an oxymoron. The traffic is not built for humans (like Indian food) but with Enfield (Indian motorcycle) it is a different story. So we rented an Enfield 500 in Mumbai and headed south to Kerala and back to Bangalore.
Indians
Indians have many gods and they are present everywhere (I’m not talking about a metaphysical presence), on every table, in every house, in the car, in the key chain and in the bag, there is a corner of the house with a statue to which they pray. Since there are many gods (the god who destroys, and the god who builds, the god who protects the family and the one who is responsible for luck, the one who is responsible for money, and the one who is responsible for love, etc.) and since you can adopt more than one, and since they do not limit any religions to pray to them, there are lots of them everywhere.
Indians by definition want to please, they will always say yes, will not get into conflicts (at least not with tourists), go out of their way to help you, and are generally very nice. To our surprise, English is spoken here less than we expected (all the Indians we know speak good English so we assumed it was the general rule for all one and a half billion). A lot of people speak really broken English if at all. It has to do with status. The upper class speaks English as a mother tongue (with a terrible accent but great English). In touristic places (like Goa, or in the hotels) everyone speaks English, but on the way we encountered a lot of people without English at all.
Judging by the amount of hours that Indians spend cleaning, one might think that they are a very clean people. Every moment you enter the place, the people are cleaning it, sweeping, washing, brushing. So all is good, but by and large they only clean the middle and only what is theirs (twenty cm outside the house is not theirs). Let’s say you have a store, you sweep the store and what comes out you just leave outside the store. You are in a tourist site and there is a hotel on the cliff overlooking the sea. Now you have a garbage bag in your hand, what will you do with it? – you guessed it right, throw it over the cliff. We were now in a city that has fantastic potential. A cliff overlooking the sea, small and cute hotels, a touristic place but to the extent (don’t forget that we are in off-season) but the piles of garbage everywhere make you think that the locals probably just don’t see it (including the city council).
Usually the tourists take pictures of the natives, here the order was reversed. Indian meets you and smiles. If you smile back, he approaches you and asks “Place” ie “where are you from”, upon the answer “Israel” he will nod several times as if he knows where Israel is. If he does know, he will blurt out a series of words that demonstrate his knowledge such as Jesus, crucifixion, Jerusalem, and from here the way is short to take a picture with you.
When you move around a certain place for a month, you start to develop insights about the people who live in that place. India is a huge place with a billion and a quarter inhabitants so our insights are probably not worth much, but nevertheless here are some we have collected:
• Nice – all the Indians we met without exception want us to be well, they will always be willing to help, always try to do a little more, always smile at you and answer every question in detail, take an interest in your well-being.
• They don’t listen to you – it doesn’t matter what you ask for, in the end you will get what they know how to do or what they have. “I don’t like spicy”, “I only want a foot massage”, “I want a non-smoking room”, “I want vanilla ice cream”, and you get coconut ice cream (where was God when they invented the coconut, why didn’t he prevent it?).
• The flexibility of the law – Indians don’t really obey the laws, it’s noticeable on the road but it seems to be in everything, therefore when they want the law to be enforced they enforce it by physical means.
• Dirt – just as there is color blindness, there is also dirt blindness (see above) see Ted on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf1VA5jqmRo
• Attitude towards foreigners – Indians are excited by foreigners, not only in small towns, but also in big cities. Perhaps this is due to British rule that lasted for 300 years (why are we not excited by the Turks who ruled the country for 400 years?).
• There is no violence – we are in a period of elections which is a period prone to violence – and there is none. Also we felt it when looking at children playing – very gently.
• Honesty – we have been here for quite some time, stand out like a pair of jellyfish in an aquarium of goldfish, and we have not encountered even one attempt to cheat us.
• Standards – there is no standard in anything here – the traffic lights look different at each intersection, the doors open in a different direction, even the motorcycles – partly gas on the right side and partly on the left side.
• Queues – there is no such notion as a queue. For example you stand in a store in line in front of one of the cashiers (or that’s what you think you are doing). A new person arrives, expect him to follow you patiently, but no, he will simply approach the cashier as if you are not there and ask for his order, if you imply that you are there, he will immediately apologize and give you the turn, he just did not see that you were there, maybe because there are millions like you so they don’t see you.
As mentioned, this is not an anthropological study, just feelings after a few days in South India.
Driving in India
Like any motorcycle trip, the motorcycle is the main thing. So let’s start at the beginning. We rented an Indian motorcycle called Enfield Classic 500. A motorcycle that looks exactly like it was made 70 years ago. Although the engine has been changed since then and it even has a battery, but it does not have a carburetor and it has a kick start. It is very basic but drives very pleasantly. Doesn’t accelerate hysterically (it doesn’t have a carburetor) but with enough power to do everything. It has a back seat that you can sit on the side (both legs on one side – this is how most Indian women ride).
Driving in India is a never-ending race, you are constantly overtaken from every direction, trucks in front of you overtake in your lane, cows enter the road, bumpers of an unreasonable size pop up without warning, a red light is a recommendation (even if there is a policeman standing at the intersection), and a green light has no meaning. In the first stage I participated in the race, overtaking everyone, from the right to the left of the middle. And then you realize that it’s not a race, we, unlike them, are not in a hurry to get anywhere. Once you calm down, driving is like in Tel Aviv (we’ll talk about horns soon).
When surprises are expected, life is much easier, here are two examples: 1. If a truck (especially when going uphill) comes in front of you, you should quickly slow down. Not because of the truck but because cars behind it that for sure will overtake it regardless of you being in the lane in front of them, they assume you’ll be fine. 2. If a truck in front of you stops completely for no apparent reason, you should not overtake it, a cow is probably crossing the road (from experience).
Imagine a population of over a billion residents, none of whom think that traffic laws should be obeyed. Consider that almost every one of these billion people has two-wheeled vehicles, and those who don’t have them are walking in the middle of the road. Think also there is a similar amount of cows who, like them, do whatever is on their minds. How do you control such a thing anyway? The answer is physically. That means they put a policeman every twenty meters, since the policeman’s presence does not guarantee anything, the policeman is equipped with a cane (thin bamboo), and he will not be ashamed to use it. In addition, there are road bumpers! Small and large, single and in bunches, narrow and wide (the most cruel – three narrow and tall in a row – they will stick your spleen to your brain). But neither the police officer nor the bumper will prevent you from driving on the freeway in the opposite lane, they probably understand that you have no choice (there is a dividing wall and you have to turn).
What can be loaded on a motorcycle in India? The short answer is everything. And the long answer: a bicycle (across the motorcycle), a window 2 meters high and 1 meter wide (along the motorcycle), metal rods 5 meters long (along), 10 bags of cement, between 1 and 5 passengers, a sheep, a full-size barrel, and the list goes on, as mentioned, everything!
Most of the roads here are two-lane (as you already understand, each side is used in both directions). Then suddenly the road opens and there are two tracks on each side with separation between them, bridges and street lighting. Now you can breathe easy. So, not quite, because in order to slow down the traffic approximately every kilometer there are barriers on each lane so that you need to slalom between them. I didn’t get it.
If we thought the traffic in India was psychotic, we should have come to Bangalore and realized that we haven’t seen anything yet. This is a significant upgrade in the level of chaos. We get around here with taxis so it’s less annoying. The highway is a relatively flowing toll road, and although it has two lanes it actually behaves like four because there are overtaking on the side (on both sides) and even 6 lanes in traffic jams.
By observing the behavior on the road you learn a lot about the people. For example, the drivers don’t get angry even though everyone cuts everyone off, they don’t know what the right of way is, they don’t obey any law or sign, we haven’t seen a driver who gets angry, shouts, raises a finger, or even frowns. The mess is accepted with typical Indian complacency.
When we were in Morocco the Waze and Google Maps didn’t work because the roads weren’t where they should be, in India Google Maps works wonderfully and I have no idea how we would have managed without it.
In India there are over two hundred languages, which split into 2,000 dialects. Let’s add one more – the language of the road. The Indians are constantly beeping. At first it’s annoying, but eventually you start to understand.
• One short beep from behind – a vehicle overtakes you and announces it – a very positive beep, especially when you are on a motorcycle.
• Long beep before turning – signals to the driver who is coming from the other side (and does not see you) that you are coming and he should not be in your lane. Not that it helps but at least you tried.
• Long lights flashing from a vehicle coming in front of you, in your lane – I’m currently overtaking, I won’t be able to complete the overtaking before we collide, but I’m not going to do anything about it, so you should do something.
• Rapid beeps while driving in the city – warns pedestrians to move a little to the side.
• Fast lights flashing – there is a policeman in front of you, for motorcycles this means you should wear a helmet. The law says that all riders must wear a helmet – there are could be up to 5 riders on one motorcycle, but they only pay attention to the driver. When they see the signal, they pull out the helmet that hangs on the side of the motorcycle and wear it while riding with rare skill. The coolest part is that the helmets are mostly empty of their contents (there is no padding inside), this means that they could wear a pot with the same degree of effectiveness.
• Long intermittent beeps without a break – I am a psychotic driver who overtakes recklessly and I want everyone to know.
• Long horn (like a ship’s fog horn) behind you – I am a bus (or truck), by definition I am crazy, and I will overtake you no matter what happens in front of you, so move aside.
And we didn’t talk here about the different “service beeps” (each one has a unique beep), for example the garbage truck – come down to take out garbage (because there are no bins), the vegetable seller – come buy vegetables or I’ll go, the water seller – come fill the buckets with water, the fact that you put buckets at the entrance to your house will not fill them. All in all a pretty crazy cacophony but notice that no one is beeping out of rage.
We went by rickshaw. In Indian vehicles, the most important and used accessory is of course the horn. This rickshaw driver didn’t have a standard squeak but that of a bicycle pressing a rubber ball, and he really played it. The problem was that the horn was in the gas’s side hand so he had to decide whether he was driving or beeping, since he chose to beep, most of the time we stood and listened to the rickshaw music. Hilarious!
Indian food
Since some of us really like Indian food and some of us don’t, it was agreed that there would be an Indian day and a non-Indian day. Today was a “no day”, we went to Domino’s Pizza. For a change it tastes like Domino’s Pizza (in Subway the bread is spicy).
In my opinion, Indian food has a number of fundamental problems: it is spicy to very spicy, if you don’t season it, it has no taste at all, the seasoning in all foods is the same, so almost all the food has the same taste. So I don’t like Indian food. Add to that the fact that it is not safe to eat meat in India (cleanliness problems), and it is not safe to eat fresh vegetables and fruits (cleanliness problems), and it is not safe to drink their water (cleanliness problems), we are left with rice (unseasoned), bread in many forms (usually oily) and that’s it. Ira, who likes spicy food and doesn’t eat meat anyway, licks her lips every meal.
So what do I have left to eat? 1) Some restaurants also serve foods such as Chinese or seafood, although they are also Indian-spiced still are usually edible. 2) Bread in all its forms: chapati, naan, roti… 3) Eat in a non-Indian restaurant (usually Italian). So why go to India you ask if you eat Italian food – good question – certainly not for the food.
Once (many years ago) I was in Brazil and they served me avocado with sugar. I asked for the same thing but with salt, and they weren’t able to do it. In the end we settled on an avocado and salt separately. In India the same with omelet. You ask for an omelet, and it will come seasoned with masala, ask without the above, they will put vegetables, ask without, they will add coriander… It takes me fifteen minutes every morning to explain how to make an omelet for me without anything.
Part of us complains badly about Indian food, the same part stopped complaining – not because the Indians changed their taste and started cooking food suitable for its taste, nor because the aforementioned got used to it and stopped grumbling. Just learned two important principles: 1) Say you want non-spicy at least five consecutive times, then there is a chance that the spiciness will be tolerable (this is not guaranteed but increases the chance). 2) Order with garlic and lemon sauce. It doesn’t matter what it is, fish, pineapple, shrimp, salad, if you order with garlic and lemon there is a chance that the sauce will be tasty and not too spicy.
Maharashtra, on the way to Goa
We got the motorcycle and left Mumbai which takes half a day (20 or so million people live in Mumbai and the buildings are not high so it is huge in area). There are freeways that cross it, but motorcycles are not allowed to drive on them (it is not clear why). In the end I gave up and got on the freeway – the amount of police here is huge and I built on the fact that if I was stopped I would pretend to be a poor tourist, they didn’t stop me. Later we accidentally got on the highway, which I didn’t know was forbidden, and we were indeed stopped by policemen and indeed we pretended to be lovable tourists and indeed not only did they did not charge us, they invited us for a tea.
We found out we had a leak in the fuel tank. We found a mechanic who immediately disassembled, soldered and assembled the fuel tank and we set off (3 hours). While we were waiting I went in to get a haircut, which brought the whole neighborhood to take selfies with me. The locals don’t have a sense of personal distance like the Europeans and they can literally stick to us without any shame not only for selfies.
Margao, Goa
We decided to start riding early in the morning (07:00), since from 12 o’clock onwards the sun is hot (there is no air conditioning on our motorcycle). Fuel leak is back. This time we decided to leave the motorcycle and went to Goa by train (the motorcycle will be returned to us after the repair). We traveled on the “Super Express” train, which means a stop every 15 minutes and at each station you stand for 15 minutes. It’s hard to imagine what just a regular express is. Apart from that, there is second class and first class. We started in the second class and very quickly upgraded for the first. By and large, the departments are the same, there is only one small difference… teeny-tiny… invisible… – in the first class there is an air conditioner.
Our daily routine – a coffee in the morning, then to the sea, massage number 1, bathing in the sea, massage number 2, yoga, dinner (Indian today), massage number 3 and sleep. The motorcycle is back (replaced fuel tank).
Everything in India is one notch below what we are used to. For example, the hotel rating in Booking.com, 5-line phone reception (still can’t hear), a glass that was washed with running water, not to be touched (drinking from the bottle), and the Indian time.
Gokarna, Karnataka
We went to the holy town (pilgrimage site) to breathe some holiness. We arrived at the temple, took off our shoes, the men among us took off their shirts (the men enter the temple without shirts), rang the bell (there are a lot of bells hanging, and before you enter you ring them), we circled around ourselves 3 times (that’s what should be done), and went down to kiss the land and we were most ready to grab some holiness. Then it turned out that foreigners are not allowed to enter the temple. So we sat down on the edge of a lake to sip some beer and mango juice and the holiness rested on us.
Kundapura, Karnataka
We found a really nice hotel, full of stars, indulging, everything is new and working, except for the fact that once every five minutes (no exaggeration) the electricity in the whole building goes out. It immediately goes back up but until all the devices work again it’s about five minutes and then it goes out again. I think right now it has fallen for the fifteenth time and still counting.
Tonight we were at a wedding, well not really a wedding but a reception held the day before the wedding. All the women in fancy sarees and the men in summer suits. Judging by the vehicles outside, this is a rich family. There were lots of lights and loud music so we entered (we are in shorts and a t-shirt), immediately two cute Indians ran towards us (probably from the family) and invited us to sit down. Of course we refused and like good anthropologists we stood by the entrance and watched. About 1000 people are sitting around tables, no food?!?, all facing the stage, in the hall there are three camera crews projecting on two huge screens. What are they filming? In the center of the stage stand the bride and the groom and each time a couple approaches (there is a line) to take pictures with them – we gave up after about half an hour.
Manglor (on the way to Bangalore), Karnataka
In the morning we visited a yoga hospital. The doctor also gives yoga classes. So far, every day Ira has found a place to do yoga, whether in a hospital or on the beach, with an American or Indian instructor, whether in the morning or in the evening. All the times the lesson was private (because it turns out that in India there are not many clients for the subject).
Madikeri (on the way to Bangalore)
So far we have mostly driven on the coast. The beaches here are classic (as in the pictures), white sand, palm trees close to the water (with coconuts at the top), green hills that slope towards the sea, the water is a deep blue color, sunsets like in the movies, warm water, low waves, and sometimes closed coves that create Romantic corners (without cynicism). The sand is relatively clean (by Indian standards), during the day it is hot on the beach, but in the evening it is really cool and pleasant. All this description is to tell you that we left the coast and entered the center of the peninsula. During the whole day we climbed a picturesque road winding in the mountains. All around is green tropical vegetation (palms, bananas and such).
Mysore (on the way to Bangalore)
Mysore, is the capital of yoga. We are in a respectable, colonial style hotel right in the center of the city. Ira doesn’t know where to start with the many options for yoga here (so she ends up doing yoga on the balcony of our hotel).
On the way we stopped at a Buddhist temple, unlike most temples in India which are Hindu. The difference is huge – clean!!!, full of monks dressed in neat and clean uniforms (and they are also mostly chubby). The prayer halls are huge and ornate, and people sit in groups on the floor and talk, pray or whatever.
An interesting phenomenon is that when we see white people (like us) they come to shake our hands (mostly send the children and especially babies), so much so that we suspect it is a gesture that brings good luck. If you reach out, they immediately give you the baby and take pictures with us holding him/her. So that you know, apparently we bring luck (probably). Everyone here will ask you where you came from. The seller at the kiosk, the rickshaw driver, the masseuse, in short, everyone.
Mysore – flowers...
Anyone who has not been to a flower market in India should go. This is perhaps the most special experience in India. You can smell a flower market from a kilometer away. Inside the market is divided into two – the merchants who sell raw material, i.e. flower heads (without stems and leaves), bulk petals and the like (in huge quantities), all in bright Indian colors (orange, red, yellow); and the flower chains makers which are used for weddings, religious ceremonies, and also for decorating the hair, the car, the house and the temples (everyone has a small temple at home). So the quantities are simply huge (remember, these are real flowers – they only last a few days). The flower chains makers are the equivalent of assembly line workers with flowers instead of screws. They sit leg-crossed on a platform, take a petal (one), fold it, add it to a chain, and tie it (in quick motion), then another and another. You can look at them for half an hour (it’s hypnotic), and they advance maybe ten cm. The beauty is that every time we stop, they hand Ira a flower (which she attaches to her hair). You can walk around there for hours. As mentioned, it is recommended.
Ooty, Tamil Nadu
We chose a town on the top of a mountain, thinking we would be alone. Who will reach the top of the mountain? We booked a hotel and went. Nothing prepared us for the road up. Scarily steep and with turns of 180 degrees one after the other at a crazy pace and oncoming traffic that doesn’t think it’s necessary to slow down on such a steep road. So in less than an hour we climbed 2600 meters. Then it turned out that we really weren’t alone. Maybe the traffic jam on the road should have hinted something to us. It turns out that our hotel is in the center of a festival or something similar (we couldn’t get an explanation). A million Indians are not wrong. So we went out into the street to gather with everyone, we passed dozens of stalls selling nothing, we arrived at the center of a huge square with crowds of Indians standing in front of a gate. We asked where does the gate lead?, “Botanical garden”, what is in the garden?, “flowers and trees”, but what is in the botanical garden today? “Flowers and trees”, so why do people wait in line?, “to see trees and flowers”. Go figure. If we understood correctly, it’s like that every weekend in the summer. So you have to stand in traffic for two or three hours, park a few kilometers from the event and then see flowers and trees. Life is fun.
I went into the garage to do an inspection for the motorcycle, he charged less than 4 dollars for about an hour of work, including oil and everything. Ira went into the garage (hairdresser), had all kinds of paint done and left $20 (and in the end paid another $10 to buy paint and paint it herself) – it seems more worthwhile to own a motorcycle – just saying.
Wayanad, Kerala
The state of Kerala is considered a beautiful state and the Wayanad region is considered the most beautiful region in Kerala. So far it does indeed justify the reputation. The road we took today wound its way through the green (Switzerland green, not Galilee green), monkeys, cows, goats, horses everywhere, lots of palm trees, bananas and lots of shade (less hot).
Big bucket-small bucket – usually there is a separate cold water tap and hot water tap (British heritage, like driving on the wrong side). How do you shower? There is a big bucket, you fill it with water at the temperature you want, and there is a small bucket with which you pour the water on yourself at that temperature. Or you just take a cold shower.
Cochin (an island near by), Kerala
We are on an island several dozen meters wide and several kilometers long, there is a bridge on both sides of it, a road along its entire length and houses scattered along the road. Each house has a private beach to the ocean. Our hotel (6 rooms – we are the only guests) is located about ten meters from the beach line which can be seen from the window of our rooms and you can hear the crash of the waves. It seems that we will stay here for a while and continue the tradition of yoga-bathing in the sea-massage-books-food – it sounds simple but at the end of a day like this you are exhausted and fall into a bed.
But that’s not what we wanted to talk about. Next to the hotel lives a fisherman, his boat (a long canoe) is loaded with nets. The fisherman doesn’t speak a word of English, so everything written here is a guess, we don’t know how old he is (we estimate 30-60), is he married, does he have children and is he happy. But we know that he is short, very black, and laughs all the time. He goes fishing in the morning and the rest of the day is quite free. We met him on the beach at noon fixing the nets and we helped him (holding the net). He invited us to swim with him (it turns out that there are fishermen who can swim), for more than an hour he dived looking for shells and excitedly brought them to Ira. We met him several more times and he was really happy to meet us, and introduced us to his friends. You ask yourself maybe it’s not such a bad idea to live like this. You know the story about the fisherman…
Today we went to the doctor. Don’t worry, it’s an Ayurveda doctor who reads the cards or rather reads the pulse. Ayurveda is an ancient holistic Indian medicine that treats both body and mind. I didn’t understand everything that was explained to me and I don’t agree with everything that I understood, but it is about three forces Vata, Pitta and Kapha that act on a person, each one has a dominant one (I have two – I don’t know if it is good or bad). The doctor, a relatively young man, explained the method – he reads my pulse and following it he recommends treatment. The idea is to treat before there is a problem and thus prevent it. He said that our lifestyle until the age of 60 affects our health later (then he found out I was 61 and corrected it to 70). I put my pulse in his hands and after about a minute of palpating, a conversation began in which he tried to find out what was bothering me. When he realized I was taking cholesterol pills he warned me about my heart. Since I didn’t really complain about anything, he didn’t really know how to advise me (it turns out that I’m a bad patient even in Indian medicine). Then he found out that I like to drink cold water, and you saw that he was relieved, he discovered the source of my problems and the recommended to “drink water at room temperature”, he repeated it five times times. The treatment ended with a recommendation to eat a lot of pepper. Ira, on the other hand, who cooperated, received a long list of things to do and not to do (and if I know her, she will both do and not do them). Surprisingly, she also needs to drink a lot of water (guess at what temperature) and to do yoga in the morning. BTW, Ira disapproves of what was said above and especially the cynical tone in which it was written.
Cochin (Kochi), Kerala
In Cochin a real attempt was made to preserve buildings and give an atmosphere of civilization. Still India, still full of rickshaws, incessant beeping noise, still a million and a half Indians everywhere, but different. Well, that sounds like a line in Lonely Planet…
Indians live on the street, no wonder because most of their houses are one room and, most importantly, it is very hot. That’s why in the evening, when the breeze comes, everyone is on the street, there are many ice cream stands and also stands that sell fresh fish from the morning’s catch. The people are just walking around, and mostly sitting and talking… on the street, on the beach, on the boardwalk.
In all the places we have been we are almost always the only white people (even here in Cochin which is a tourist city). It means that we are an object of curiosity. The Indians are very polite, so this is expressed in a shy look, a smile and sometimes a hello (with the head nod to the right and left). Shamelessly they will ask you where you are from (and repeat the name Israel). If they ask you what your name is, it means that they want to sell something, however they really don’t nag. There is a sense of security here (because everyone is nice).
How do you know if a hotel is fancy? According to the length of the explanation when you enter the room. Usually the receptionist accompanies you to the room and then starts to explain to you – this is a door, this is a window, this is how to turn on the fan, etc. The more respectable the hotel is, the more stupid you are assumed to be as a guest, so the explanation includes how to open the closet.
Cochin – elections...
Elections here are coming in a week. All ads and announcements are in Hindi so we can only be impressed by what we see. We don’t watch TV, we don’t listen to the radio and we don’t read a newspaper, but we are on the streets and there is a lot of action here. First of all, there is no wall, bulletin board, or advertisement unrelated to the elections. An election ad must contain huge, ugly faces smiling a smile that scares children. In addition, the symbols of the parties are painted everywhere (from graffiti on the walls of houses to paint on the road). Judging by the graffiti, the Communist Party is winning big time. The most annoying and common means are – they take a jeep, put two huge speakers on the roof and go out into the streets, where they make election speeches (usually not pre-recorded), and play propaganda songs. Judging by the jeeps, the Communist Party won big time here as well. By the way, the law in India prohibits any connection between religion and elections, it is forbidden for a party to have a religious reference in its charter.
How do we relate to it? A policeman stopped us, then a civilian man (speaks good English) approached us, introduced himself as an election representative and checked all our files (and there are a lot), looking for black cash intended for election bribes. Hilariously weird.
Alleppey, Kerala – the boat...
There are only three things I can teach the world about travel: 1. If you are told about a place or activity that you must do/can’t miss/the once in a life-time experience – this is a tourist trap that you must not do/you should miss, this includes the Taj Mahal and sailing in a boat; 2. Everything that is driven for you, it is advisable to give up whether it is a plane/jeep/boat…; 3. Anything related to sailing on a boat/ship/barge/yacht… is a completely unnecessary experience, including a pleasure cruise around the world, or a day on a houseboat in India (you can replace “boat” with “island”, any island, including Zanzibar and Bali, but this is not related to the current trip, so we will save it for another time).
So as usual I didn’t listen to my own advice. We followed the recommendations of people who should know me, and took a cruise on a houseboat for 21 hours (measured by the watch). The boat is quite spacious and quite luxurious and includes a cook (who really tries) and a captain. So far everything sounds good. The suspicion that you are in a tourist trap should have arisen when we received a long email full of do’s and don’ts, the suspicion should have been strengthened when we arrived at the pier and there are hundreds of boats preparing to sail and excited tourists waiting to sail. Suspicion should have been raised when they asked us to pay in advance (in India they never ask for advance payment). Suspicion began to arise only when there was a traffic jam (of hundreds of boats without exaggeration) in the canal leaving the harbor. There was still a glimmer of hope that the place was big and they would spread out over the area and we wouldn’t feel them. Hope was lost. The suspicion really turned into annoyance when boats loaded with (Indian) young macho men with (Indian) trance music and (Indian) dancing on board started to overtake us – by the way, it’s interesting that these young men behave exactly the same all over the world (true globalization). It’s hard for me to imagine what happens here in the season when it’s really busy.
Varkala, Kerala – fishermen...
We reached the southernmost place we intended to reach and from here we will start going back.
The monsoon season is expected in about a month. We weren’t in a monsoon right now, but yesterday there was a (slight) demonstration – suddenly the chimneys of the sky opened (and still a temperature of 35 degrees in the shade), every drop is of huge size, and it didn’t stop for about an hour. The rain is so dense that you can’t see a meter ahead. Luckily we were in a nice cafe, we ordered another lassi and sat down to watch the rain. This is also expected today (although it is not really possible to predict the Indian forecast – yesterday they predicted the rain only after it had begun). You remember, we are on a motorcycle.
This morning we saw a line of people playing tug of war, we got closer and it turned out that they were fishermen pulling a net from the water. There were about 30 people there who worked really hard for an hour (we joined the pull). In the end there were very few fish in the net and they were all small. Then the distribution of the loot began (with hysterical shouting), they divided it into three parts, each part filled a bucket (with small fish), and they started to fold the net. The whole round of hard work by dozens of people for at least six hours and all they got was three buckets. Life is hard.
On the way to Munnar, Kerala
We are staying at a nce place by the river. The houses along the river reach almost to the bank where there is a path on which the informal village life is conducted. Washing and bathing in the river, drying coconuts, shrimps and peppers, and also throwing the garbage there (who cares). There are boats that transfer from one side to the other (they are free – paid for by the government). We walked around there and attracted a lot of attention, a trail of people followed us, old women and children. Everyone practiced their English on us, it turns out that at school it is mandatory to speak English, (otherwise a fine of 100 rupees – which is a lot), according to the level of their English we guessed that they must have paid a lot of fines ☹. At every house we passed, the residents came out to greet us, the word went from house to house so that everyone knew that we were from Israel (the birthplace of Jesus).
Munnar, Kerala
The Holy Trinity – electricity-water-internet. Electricity – all the houses we visited have electricity, in all cases (including five-star hotels), there is a short power outage once an hour. Water – I don’t know what Indians have with showers, but everything can look modern and new until you enter the shower, always third world like, always sprays in all directions, always smells of mothballs, always wet and moldy. Internet – perhaps the biggest mystery of all. There is no place without internet but… (there is always a but) there is no place where the internet works. The holy trinity that expresses India better than anything.
Monastery (50 km from Munnar)
We live in a real active monastery with a good atmosphere. The father (a monk in the monastery) takes care of us personally, the rooms are big and clean (simple but really nice), there are Ayurveda treatments inside the monastery – which means that there is a massage room next to our room, there is also a yoga instructor inside the monastery, the area is stunning in terms of nature. The monastery sits on a huge piece of land and contains an artificial lake, where fish are bread, there is an animal farm with cows, geese, chickens, etc., there is a vegetable garden and a tree orchard (including incredibly delicious mangoes), there are agricultural areas, there is a school, a church of course and a hotel. All this is held by 4 monks who walk around in jeans and a t-shirt. The place is quite magical and you are left to your own devices. The garden has hammocks, swings, a house on the tree, lots of secluded corners. In short, we might become monks.
Monastery (50 km from Munnar) – castes...
Everyone knows the caste system. We were told that in the village where we live there was a case of murder on this background not long ago – a young man from a low caste secretly married a young woman from a higher caste. The young woman was hidden away from the village by the police, the young man was murdered. There are people who are born outside the caste system and are called outcasts. Yesterday we walked in a village of outcasts (we are not outcasts, we are foreigners, even lower class). Usually villages of outcasts do not allow anyone to enter, and they live in isolation. This village is relatively advanced and allows. By and large, in our inexperienced eyes, the village looks like any other village in the area.
Monastery (50 km from Munnar) – waterfall...
We liked the nature, so we went to a wildlife reserve, which also has a big waterfall where you can swim. Since the animals roam freely, we had to take a ranger to accompany us. Armed with a flimsy ranger in slippers with a flimsy bamboo stick we set off. In the reserve there are elephants (we saw a lot of their poo), and pumas (we saw a monkey injured by a puma), and bison (we saw tracks of bison) and monkeys (we saw a monkey injured by a puma) and birds (we saw a lot of birds). So it was a day full of ‘almost’. On the way back we encountered a group of monkeys who weren’t really afraid of us, which resulted in a spectacular series of photos (monkeys always make good pictures).
We have only been in the monastery for 3 days and already feel at home. The monks get up at six – a bell calls them to get up, at five past six prayer begins, at eight breakfast, the bell calls for food, those who do not arrive at eight do not get food, breakfast is a heavy meal with lots of different types of dishes, then they go to work (we go on trips), at one there is lunch, which is a heavy meal with lots of different kinds of dishes, then an afternoon nap (including the monks), a tea – we’ve never been there, but we assume that the tea is a heavy meal with lots of different kinds of dishes, then yoga, reading on the balcony or in bed, the monks pray (we are invited to prayer and sometimes participate in it), then dinner which is a heavy meal with lots of different types of dishes, then TV, cards and sleep, we have to get up at six for prayer.
Small town somewhere on the way...
We entered the ‘everything in a rupee’ store, packed with shoppers, five stories high that sells everything. We bought shampoo and went to pay. The cashier registers the purchase and produces a document in three handwritten copies, the first is in the basket, the second is handed to us and the third is kept for himself. The basket goes to another clerk, where you pay in cash, the first copy is stamped and returned to the basket, the second copy is stamped and returned to you, and the basket is respectfully transferred to a third clerk. He takes the first list and compares the items one by one (he literally checks the list for each item), then signs the first copy, and takes the second copy from you, packs your shopping and hands you the bag with the first double-signed copy that will be carefully checked at the exit. The shampoo cost half a dollar! Indians seem to have had enough under British rule and have adopted bureaucracy for what it is.
Ooty, Tamil Nadu – tigers...
Hairpin – a term we learned here, when the road curves 180 degrees (no less), and the radius of the turn is just enough for the car when you turn the steering wheel to the maximum – this is a “hairpin”. If such a turn occurs in the mountains, it is also a rather psychotic slope. We crossed a chain of mountains (we went up on one side and went down the other side), the “hairpin” turns are numbered, the way up was relatively moderate, so there were only 9 of them, but the way down was really difficult (in terms of the slope) and there were 36 “hairpins” (numbered), and not to forget that we are in India, and also overtake in the middle of the round. In short, a recommended experience for every motorcyclist. In total it took us four hours and when we arrived at the hotel, at least some of us fell flat on the bed and fell asleep immediately.
We are in a hotel that is one of the strangest – a huge hall in the center of the house surrounded by 4 rooms (quite large) and around the entire above-mentioned complex a huge balcony overlooking green natural lawns with quite sparse trees (and is called a jungle). Since there are tigers in the vicinity, the house is surrounded by an electric fence, but all we saw from the balcony (which is equipped with a telescope) are herds of goats, it is possible that the tigers understand that we are off-season and they don’t need to make an effort. We must point out that the atmosphere is really combative, we are not allowed to go outside the fences without an escort, the vehicles here are all jeeps that communicate over walkie-talkie (also to order tea).
Pepper trail hotel – Sultan Bathery, Kerala
We live in hotels several months a year, so it’s hard to get excited about it. For a birthday we took the best hotel within a radius of 200 km. The hotel is located in the middle of a rather large coffee-tea-pepper farm – we went in one direction for quite a long walk and didn’t reach the end, but we found a lake with a boat. In the middle of the farm there are four separate cottages with the building in the center that serves as the dining room (the cottages are old buildings that have been renovated – we live in the house of the manager of the estate from 150 years ago). The owner of the farm (who has several other farms), a fairly wealthy man, personally takes care of the hotel (as mentioned, 4 rooms), and therefore everything is tasteful, indulging and special. Bicycles are parked outside our room for the enjoyment of vacationers, and a jeep (ancient, open) is parked outside the hotel for our use. The silence (except for the sounds of the birds) is inexplicable. By the way, even here the Indian law applies (a maximum of two which work from electricity-water-internet), and the internet only works in the central square. Oh, and I forgot there is a chef here who cooks personally for each of the guests three gourmet meals a day – you can say that for the first time in India, Indian food is delicious for both of us! Since this was the case, we had no choice but to stay another night and another night and another night until they had no room and sent us on our way. The best hotel we have stayed in to date.
HE 
